PMI-LA Blogs

How I Got It All Wrong

I've been looking for gigs as long as I can remember.

 

After being laid off from a full-time management role in 2012, I spent the next five years temping here and there. The work was good, but none of those assignments turned into permanent employment—the people I was covering for inevitably came back. That's when I started seriously pursuing full-time opportunities and applying on every job board in town.

 

Ouch. I quickly learned what a black-hole experience job searching can be.

 

Many of us find ourselves feeling frustrated, discouraged, and sometimes downright exhausted. We're getting ghosted by recruiters, not landing enough interviews, and applying for roles that would stretch our skills in exciting new ways—only to discover they require current experience doing the exact thing we're hoping to learn.

 

For those in career transition, it can feel like the ultimate catch-22.

 

We're ready to grow, ready to contribute, ready to learn something new... yet the opportunities often seem reserved for people who have already done it.

 

Let's face it: job searching can be frustrating.

 

But since we've all felt the sting of rejection (and probably a few stings of confusion and annoyance while we're at it), perhaps it's time to learn how to skate right over it and onto something better—something called Greater Self thinking, also known as self-empowerment, or even a “growth mindset”. With this thinking you start to develop:

• The determination to go the extra mile.
• The willingness to refine your strategy.
• The ability to roll with the punches.
• The wisdom to keep your mind in a healthier place, even when results are slow to arrive.
• Understanding the need to keep creating value.
• Accepting what’s in our zone of control—and what isn’t.

 

After all, you're only one conversation away from an opportunity. But first, you have to discover it. Unearth it. Research it. Prepare for it. Go for it....and most of all, stay open to it.

 

Turns out, job searching isn't just an activity anymore—it's a skill set. And like any skill set, it can be learned, practiced, improved, and mastered. But did you know that a good job search skill set includes ways to build resilience and determination? It’s not always easy, it’s not always simple, but talk about a zone of control: Greater Self thinking is well within your grasp—that is, in the words of Mark Twain, if you're willing to give it a fair shake.

 

According to author and psychologist Dr. Rick Hanson, “Often the energy it takes to aim high, work hard, and push towards our goals can have negative side-effects, such as feeling edgy, irritable, or even apathetic.” A nugget of wisdom, to be sure.

 

Let’s start with resilience. We can learn to realize our dreams and aspirations without getting uptight or attached to the results. Healthy motivation comes from identifying, honoring, and supporting our wholesome desires – and pursuing them with wholesome means. Say what? Okay, more on this “growth mindset” below.

 

Rejection Is Not a Verdict

One of the hardest lessons in a prolonged job search is learning that rejection is rarely a complete assessment of your value (really!).

 

A company may choose an internal candidate. A hiring manager may want experience in a niche tool. A recruiter may receive hundreds of applications. A budget may disappear overnight. Sometimes a role is effectively filled before it's even posted, often by an inside candidate.

 

None of those things mean you're not capable.

 

The danger comes when we take a temporary outcome and turn it into a permanent belief.

 

Author Carol Dweck says to get your “growth mindset” on and move forward. In other words, learn to grow from it—and keep moving.

Instead of asking:

"What's wrong with me?"

Ask:

"What can I learn from this?"

 

That's a much more productive question, and one that keeps you moving forward. Dr. Hanson, from his video The Power of Personal Growth reminds us, “This is not some kind of superficial, positive psychology kind of thing. This is not a quick fix, this is not fake-it-till-you-make-it, this is not looking at things with rose-colored glasses—this is growing the good inside yourself, one breath at a time, one minute at a time, one day at a time, in ways that feel legitimate and authentic, from the inside out.”

 

It is said no one can stop you from learning and growing inside your own mind—no one can stop you—on the other hand, no one can do it for you. We are “each fundamentally responsible for who we are becoming”. So I have to ask, why not choose to do it with a little more oomph...a little more determination, a little more wisdom?

 

By all means, allow me to share a little-known fact about my own life; I’ve mastered a “growth mindset” to a certain extent, and it has not been easy. I come from a long line of people who figured out their careers the old-fashioned way: trial, error, persistence, and a healthy amount of guesswork. No coaches, no mentors, no career testing, no nothing. A big nothing sandwich. Nowadays, that's all changed. So roll up your sleeves and let's jump in.

 

Turn Job Searching Into a Real Skill

Job searching is common enough nowadays that we might as well prepare to get good at it.

 

Nobody is going to hand us the perfect role wrapped in a shiny bow (darn it!). Nobody is riding in on a white horse to rescue our LinkedIn profile. And every day we hear fresh headlines about layoffs, restructuring, and AI workforce changes that make our heads spin.

 

So let's accept reality: Job searching is now a professional skill...

Researching.

Networking.

Connecting.

Messaging.

Following up.

Attending meetups.

Building relationships.

Staying curious.

 

These are the skills that take you from survival mode to success mode. And from rejection to momentum. The good news? Skills improve with practice. So get used to it, lean into it, and dare I say... learn to enjoy parts of it.

 

You may surprise yourself.

 

Let’s be clear: the modern job search is no longer just applying online—please, don’t do what I did.

Instead, it is:

• Researching companies
• Building relationships
• Refining your message
• Practicing interviews
• Following up professionally
• Learning how recruiters think
• Understanding how hiring managers evaluate candidates
• Using AI and technology effectively
• Talking to yourself in the car a lot (refining your message)

 

The more you treat job searching as a professional skill, the less personal every rejection becomes. You are developing a habit. You're developing a process. And processes improve over time, just ask Danielle.

 

According to author James Clear “One of the most frustrating parts of forming new habits is not seeing progress. You start going to the gym or studying, and… nothing changes.

 

That’s because we expect progress to be a straight line—do the work, see the results. But in real life, it usually works differently: progress is painfully slow at first, and then suddenly speeds up all at once. Just ask Alex.

 

Fire Up Your “Greater Self” Thinking

Buddhist theory teaches that our "Greater Self" is usually a much better advisor than our "Lesser Self." Some might simply call this “empowerment”, but whatever the label, I’d like you to understand the implications it has on your life. The Lesser Self loves to worry. It loves doubt. It enjoys creating worst-case scenarios at 2:00 in the morning. The Greater Self, on the other hand, is calm, capable, resilient, and focused on possibility. When doubts show up—and they will—practice challenging them.

 

Turn:

"I'll never get hired."

into

"What can I improve this week?"

Turn:

"I'm not qualified."

into

"How can I better position my experience?"

Turn:

"This isn't working."

into

"What's the next experiment?"

 

Like teaching a third-grader through repetition, keep redirecting your thoughts toward action and possibility. Yes, fears and doubts can help us identify risks. But after you've learned the lesson, stop carrying the fear around like extra luggage.

Address it.

Learn from it.

Then move on.

In other words: NEXT!

 

Let’s practice a little more for fun:

When you hear yourself say:

"Nobody wants me."

Replace it with:

"I haven't found the right match yet."

 

When you hear:

"I don't have enough experience."

Replace it with:

"How can I demonstrate transferable experience?"

 

When you hear:

"This market is impossible."

Replace it with:

"What opportunities haven't I explored yet?"

 

It's hard to mention this, but during the pandemic I lost both of my parents rather suddenly. To cope, I found myself studying courage, compassion, determination, and what I call Greater Self thinking. Looking back, that practice became one of the things that kept me moving forward.

 

Even today, doubt, fear, and grief occasionally peek through and attempt to hijack my day. When they do, I try to push back calmly and deliberately. I remind myself what my Greater Self already knows: keep moving forward, keep learning, keep growing, and keep showing up. It’s a way to build good habits and practice thinking based on old-fashioned resilience and determination, which, by the way, never go out of style.

 

To be sure, it doesn't make life's challenges disappear. But it does help me meet them with a little more wisdom, a little more courage, and a lot more determination.

 

🎯 Suffice to say, small shifts in thinking create enormous shifts in momentum.

 

Calm, Curiosity & Determination

On a scale from desperate to curious to determined, where do you fall?

 

If you're operating from desperation, that energy has a way of showing up everywhere—in conversations, interviews, networking events, and even emails.

 

Trust me, we've all been there.

 

We're job seekers turning over every rock, chasing every lead, refreshing job boards like they're slot machines, and wondering when our next opportunity will finally appear.

 

(Big sigh.)

 

But once you begin treating job searching as a skill, something interesting happens.

You become less desperate.

And more strategic.

Less fearful.

And more curious.

Less reactive.

And more determined.

Instead of focusing on what you don't have, you start focusing on where you fit best and how to position yourself for success. It’s rock star thinking—and it works.

 

Because here's the thing:

You do fit somewhere.

Your opportunity exists.

The right conversation is out there...

 

The challenge is staying calm long enough to find it. In other words, don’t give panic attacks a chance to sneak in and derail what’s working.

Curiosity and determination are far better traveling companions than desperation (and panic). And like any skill, they become stronger through practice.

 

So push that Lesser Self into the back seat. Let your Greater Self take the wheel. Stay focused. Stay curious. Stay determined. You have far more to offer than you realize. Now go find the opportunity that agrees.

 

One reminder: Many successful job seekers stop treating interviews as auditions and start treating them as conversations.

• Curiosity changes everything.
• Curiosity lowers pressure.
• Curiosity helps you ask better questions.
• Curiosity helps you learn.
• Curiosity keeps you moving.

 

The point is, determined, hopeful thinking based on your Greater Self can transform your thinking, your goals and dreams, and your relationships—if you give it an earnest effort and put it into practice. Every day, day after day. Personally, it’s been eye-opening to realize what this way of thinking has done for my own relationships, and to be sure, I’m still working on it.

 

Build Your Personal Board of Directors

One thing The Saturday Networking Group (at Career Connect) demonstrates beautifully is that nobody should job search alone.

 

Create your own informal support team:

• A recruiter
• A mentor
• A former manager
• A friend who reviews resumes
• A networking partner
• A career coach
• A TSNG member (The Saturday Networking Group)

 

The job search is easier when other people can see opportunities and strengths that you may overlook.

 

Borrow confidence from your network until your own confidence catches up. And while you’re at it, remind all your friends and family that you are open to encouragement at all times. And in turn, much like our Greater Selves command, we give encouragement when and where needed. This is a flow you get into that can be utilized the rest of your days, and to great effect, sometimes intangible.

 

Celebrate Progress, Not Just Offers

One mistake many job seekers make is measuring success only by receiving an offer.

But success often begins much earlier:

• Updating your resume
• Improving your LinkedIn profile
• Attending an event
• Making a new connection
• Getting a recruiter call
• Reaching a second interview
• Clarifying your target role
• Figuring out your Why­—start with Why to inspire action (Simon Sinek)

 

Those are all signs of progress.

Progress compounds.

Momentum compounds.

Eventually, opportunities compound too.

🎯 Always learn to celebrate how small wins—conversations, introductions, interviews, profile updates—keep momentum alive.

 

Final Thoughts: You're Only a Conversation Away

The opportunity you're looking for may not be on a job board.

It may be:

• A conversation
• A referral
• A meetup
• A recruiter
• A former colleague
• A mentor
• A chance encounter
• A career fair (don’t scoff, I had a great time)

 

You're only a conversation away from changing your trajectory.

 

So keep researching > keep refining > keep networking > keep learning.

 

Keep showing up.

 

Most importantly, keep believing that your next opportunity is still out there.

 

Because it is.

Go For It

Hi there, I’m Darci Oltman, and I've struggled, often and for longer than I ever expected. If you ask around, you may find many others who took a long time getting through the latest setback. Yeah, it’s frustrating, I mean, can’t someone just hand me the job of my dreams? But let me ask, if they did hand me the job of my dreams, would I be ready? Yes of course I would be.

 

So I invite you to practice hope, determination, and Greater Self thinking as if your life depends on it.

 

Because in many ways, it does. Strengthen your emotional bank account like it’s your life savings. If I had one penny (yeah we’re talking $.01) for every broken heart or disappointed job seeker in this world, I’d have a pretty respectable side hustle by now. Call me the job-search fairy.

 

So, how can you avoid this kind of payment? Push yourself harder than you thought possible—with a heart fired up on hope. After all, hope is a decision. Congratulations, your Greater Self is a superhero of sorts—calm, capable, resilient, hopeful, and ready to move forward even when circumstances suggest otherwise.

 

I encourage you to make Greater Self thinking part of your daily practice—and hold onto it with all your might. It will affect your goals, your dreams, your relationships—and your breakthroughs—in ways you may not yet be able to imagine.

 

My message is simple.

 

Go for it.

 

And come to realize that a little encouragement, aimed at the right person at the right time, can go a very long way.

 

Most of us did not grow up with the tools to fend off rejection, disappointment, and feelings of failure. The good news is those skills can be learned, practiced, strengthened, and exercised regularly—and finally, one fine day, turned into habit.

 

Embrace Greater Self thinking. Practice it. Trust it. Return to it often. The world needs more people who refuse to give up on themselves.

 

Oh, and opportunities rarely arrive when we expect them. More often, they arrive through a conversation, a connection, a moment of courage, or a decision not to quit. So keep going. You're only a conversation away from changing your trajectory. Just ask Cindy.

 

How did it turn out for me—the perpetually unfocused hunter-gatherer? The good news is after a life of less-than-strategic wandering through various roles, I landed in a property management business with a partner. While it may not be a stellar career trajectory dabbling in the latest, greatest technology, company or even industry (real estate anyone?), we’ve struggled through thick and thin and continue to grow. And thank goodness my PM/analyst skills have been put to good use forecasting and managing loads of risk.

 

I won’t lie.

 

It’s been tough.

 

Yet in my on-and-off, mostly unsuccessful job search process, I managed to shed the self-centered, confused persona, in favor of a service-oriented volunteer who looks for ways to help others, while sharpening my skill set along the way. This is the best role ever. I’ve learned to focus on what’s fulfilling, rather than what’s profitable. Just recently I learned the shocking truth that my resume is long and dull, and I can accept that. The truth is I may not have mastered the art of the job search, but I’ll make sure to deliver winning outcomes no matter what. That’s just what PMs do.

 

PMs make great administrators, producers, production managers, coordinators, operation managers, business analysts, product managers, program managers, consultants, trainers, and process improvement specialists. We bring stability to chaos, create clarity around complex problems, hold ourselves to higher standards, and know how to tame far too many moving parts.

 

Who knows, some of us even herd cats. That makes us special, so I invite you to work hard, stay open-minded, and find a role that really fits. It may not be the role you expected, but it just might be the one that's been waiting for you all along. How? That’s right, with your Greater Self thinking...by exercising resilience, by developing determination, to the extent that you suddenly feel the momentum you’ve worked so hard to build. Don’t lose it, hold on to it.

 

While I didn’t mean to pour my heart out here, I want you to succeed. Actually, we at PMI-LA want you to succeed. Beyond your wildest dreams, if you can handle that. Just ask our Board of Directors, our Trustees, our VPs, and all our amazing volunteers. They’re all here, plotting and planning, wanting you to succeed.

Need a Recap?

• I got it all wrong, so here’s hoping you get it right. You are the master of your own universe, and your emotional bank account will thank you.
• The danger comes when we take a temporary outcome and turn it into a permanent belief. Learn to ponder rejection in ways that help you move past it, and build that thinking into a solid, reliable habit. This means challenging your doubts at every turn. Always. Move. Forward.
• Job Searching is a skill, and for whatever weird reason, progress is rarely a straight line.
• Fire up your Greater Self thinking and remember that small shifts in thinking create enormous shifts in momentum. This is an empowered life, one that is thriving amidst challenge.
• Seek to develop a calm, curious determination forged of superhero steel. Stay curious. Because the opportunity you’re looking for exists, and you do fit somewhere.
• Build your personal Board of Directors and borrow confidence from your network until your own confidence catches up. Remind people you’re looking for encouragement all day, every day, all the time, no matter what. You will never get tired of it, so bring it on. But remember, you have to return it and pay it forward.
• Celebrate progress, however small. Progress compounds. Momentum compounds. Eventually, opportunities compound too. Always learn to celebrate how small wins build momentum. One approach is to write your small wins on post cards and review them every day.
• You’re only one conversation away from changing your trajectory, so keep at it.
• Don’t spend years figuring this out the hard way. Go from a rejection mindset into momentum by practicing Greater Self thinking until it becomes a habit. Your thinking will start naturally propelling you forward despite headwinds.

 

 

LOOKING FOR MORE ENCOURAGEMENT? SOURCES WORTH EXPLORING

• Angela Duckworth — Grit
• Carol Dweck — Mindset
• James Clear — Atomic Habits
• Simon Sinek — Start with Why to Inspire Action  
• Rick Hanson — How to Develop Healthy Motivation
• Brené Brown — Embracing Vulnerability in Your Job Search: Lessons from Brené Brown
• Adam Grant — Bouncing Back from Rejection
• Richard Bolles — The Way You Do “Life” is How You’ll Do Your Job Hunt
• SGI-USA.org — concepts of Greater Self vs. Lesser Self.
• Book: Hope is a Decision
• The Saturday Networking Group is a free career coaching group who meet every Saturday morning via a zoom link. See Career Connect for more info.

 

 

Darci Oltman is a PM/Analyst who believes resilience, curiosity, and encouragement belong in every job search. She publishes under the name "Darci Volt" and can be reached at Careerdev@PMI-LA.org.